Senate Endorses ‘Kill A Spammer’ Initiative

From: The Specious Report

WASHINGTON, DC — Unanimous Senate approval has brought the U.S. one step closer to placing a bounty on fraudulent and nuisance emailers. The House is expected to swiftly pass a similar bill next week.

Spam now accounts for over 50% of all email, and costs the U.S. economy an estimated $250 billion each year in lost productivity. Most legislators agree a national “do not spam” list would be largely ineffective. This has bolstered support for joining an international trend of simply eliminating the offenders.

Fashioned after existing laws in countries like Great Britain, China and Libya, the U.S. plan authorizes a bounty of up to $5,000 for each confirmed spammer kill.

The Senate bill passed despite opposition from the ACLU, NRA and National Council of Churches which, in a rare show of unity, had issued a join statement criticizing the legislation.

“Death is too good for them,” it says in part. “We strongly urge congress to consider a punishment that involves amputation of the hands, or mutilation of the genitals.”

The FCC has already prepared a “most wanted” deck of cards depicting the 52 worst spammers, to be distributed free to professional bounty hunters or any other interested individual.

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This article is satire from The Specious Report.
This is a parody and not affiliated in any way with Newsday.